Acceptance

“…and acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation-some fact of my life-unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.” The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
So after another sleepless night, I find myself battling with acceptance. There are many things I need to accept about myself. For instance, I’m smart but I have a knack, dare I say a gift, for making poor decisions almost every time; I quit taking mathematics classes as soon as I could in high school but I’m obsessed with numbers…what does the scale say, what does the tag on my jeans say, how many calories is that, how many calories did I burn, how many miles can I run…you get the picture; I fall in love too quickly and get bored too easily; I’ve constructed an elaborate fortress around my heart to protect myself, but since I’m little more than a Tool Time girl, nothing is level or square or to code so the structural integrity of this fortress is compromised constantly; I’m a neat freak and life, well, life is just plain messy. So today I’m working on acceptance: I’ll probably continue to make bad choices, but I’ll try to learn from those choices; I’ll start weaning myself off numbers by putting the scale on a high shelf (of course I’ve got a harness, rope and some kick ass climbing shoes so I may never be able to move it out of reach); I won’t fall in love…today; I’ll either apply for a building permit and bring in some expert contractors to reconstruct this fortress right, or I’ll tear it down and work without a net (mixed metaphor, I know…go back to the first sentence and reread the part about the sleepless night); and I’ll focus on keeping clean what I have the power to keep clean in my life…and maybe pick up a new vacuum.