6 months, woo hoo...

I got my 6 month medallion last night at my AA meeting. It’s customary to say a little bit about how you stayed sober so here’s what I said to the best of my recollection…

6 months, woo hoo (insert sarcasm here). I have more of these than probably should be allowed but you guys kept telling me to come back so I did. I started drinking again about 5 years ago and because I lived with a recovering alcoholic, I knew the ground rules, “if you’re going to drink, fine, but don’t come home drunk or you’re outta here.” I was able to follow those rules so I thought I had this thing under control. When I moved out in December, there was no accountability, no rules and I found myself alone in my apartment, drunk almost every night. I call myself an anti-social drinker because I drink alone. I’m the kind of drunk that cries and says stupid shit like “why doesn’t anyone love me” and “I just want to be loved.” Know what happens to a woman in a bar that’s that kind of drunk? All the losers that want to “help” her out with her low self esteem issues line up. No thank you. Six months ago yesterday, I was drunk in my apartment alone talking to a friend on the phone. He began to call me on my shit and, well, I don’t like that so I told him I was hanging up. His response to that was “let me say one last thing before you do…Michele, you don’t have to lose it all this time.” My response was “thanks” and a dial tone (although I’m pretty sure that’s not accurate because he was on his cell and those don’t have dial tones. It would be nice if they did so you don’t spend time talking to no one when a call is dropped but I digress). “You don’t have to lose it all this time” was my moment of clarity and I properly thanked him for it by promptly deciding I’d never talk to him again. The next day, I called a friend of my mine in the program and said I needed help. The advice I got was, go to women’s meetings for a while. The answer to my “why on earth would I do that?!” was this…”You like the boy/girl mixer meetings because boys think you’re cute and don’t make you do any work. Women don’t think you’re cute and it’s about f**king time you did some work.” I followed that advice so here I am. For the first time, I have a sponsor I actually call and I’m working the steps…

What I didn’t say was that I called my friend back a couple of days later and thanked him for calling me on my shit rather than running away. Yesterday I got a text from him that said in part “I am happy to have been there for you and will always be there. You are such a special and unique person. The world is a better place with you in it.” The fact that someone can see good in me still amazes me, but thanks to the gift of sobriety, I GET the chance to work on that.