When I first moved out at the end of December, a good friend told me I was rushing the process of getting on with my life too much and that I should just “do nothing” for a while. I didn’t want to feel what I was feeling going through this separation and divorce so I was looking for the next person, place of thing that would numb the pain. “Michele, you just need to do nothing for a while.” That was sound advice that I didn’t heed and am finally in a place to admit that I should have. Over the last month or so, I’ve made some bad calls and rushed my heart before I was ready. I have lost my way and made decisions that are contrary to who I am at my core. Specifically, I gave away my trust way too easily, my bad. The truth is, I’ve had brief moments of peace in the last seven months, peace I haven’t felt for the last 23 years, and those moments of peace only come when I’ve been working on accepting that I will never be in a relationship again. I’ve been getting “don’t give up on love” a lot lately from well intentioned friends that really care for me, but I have to. I have to give up on love and the thought that I might actually find someone that I want to say “yes” to someday for my own well being.
Sometimes the third base coach is waving you home and you get thrown out at the plate. Sometimes the best call is to stay on the bag. Sometimes the best call is to do nothing and wait for the perfect play. But bad calls are a part of baseball and the best you can do is brush off the dust from your uniform, head for the dugout and wait for the next inning.
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